Piranha 3-D: Do deadly fish make for a deadly movie?
Joe Scaringi
Issue date: 6/15/10 Section: Arts and Life
The Piranha movie series will be swimming into 3-D this summer, and I really hate myself for being intrigued.
If you haven't yet seen the trailer, you can do so by pulling it up on YouTube.
Congratulations, you've just officially seen the whole movie.
I mean, can we really be expected to believe that the plot holds any more substance than what is offered in that two-minute clip? My ESP tells me no. A quick look at the other Piranha movies is likely all the verification necessary.
Hollywood was first introduced to these killer fish in 1978 by director Joe Dante (Gremlins) with his low-budget motion picture Piranha. The movie opens with a pair of absent-minded teenagers who decide that it would be a wonderful idea to go skinny-dipping in the swimming pool of an abandoned military installation.
From there, the fun only grows.
Our determined protagonist Maggie (Heather Menzies) accidentally releases the flesh-eating fish into the river, and we then learn that these aquatic monsters are actually genetically-engineered mutants of a military project, aptly named 'Operation: Razorteeth'.
Blood and cheap thrills ensue, and one leaves this movie scratching their head, pondering whether they enjoyed it or hated its fishy guts.
Enter Piranha II: The Spawning.
This 1981 B-movie sequel was actually the feature film directorial debut of James Cameron (Aliens, Avatar), yet Cameron insists that his feature-film debut was 1984's Terminator (can you really blame him?).
Here, a whole new element is added to our deadly antagonists: yup, you guessed it - they can fly! I'm not talking happy-go-lucky Super Mario Bros. flying fish here either, I'm talking blood-thirsty piranha.
Once again, the government is involved, having developed these mutants as a line of defence by splicing flying fish with piranhas.
Now, am I the only one here who realizes that flying fish don't actually fly, but rather, glide above the water's surface? Yet, for some reason, the creatures portrayed in this film are shown flapping around clumsily like a swarm of graceless vampire bats.
If you haven't yet seen the trailer, you can do so by pulling it up on YouTube.
Congratulations, you've just officially seen the whole movie.
I mean, can we really be expected to believe that the plot holds any more substance than what is offered in that two-minute clip? My ESP tells me no. A quick look at the other Piranha movies is likely all the verification necessary.
Hollywood was first introduced to these killer fish in 1978 by director Joe Dante (Gremlins) with his low-budget motion picture Piranha. The movie opens with a pair of absent-minded teenagers who decide that it would be a wonderful idea to go skinny-dipping in the swimming pool of an abandoned military installation.
From there, the fun only grows.
Our determined protagonist Maggie (Heather Menzies) accidentally releases the flesh-eating fish into the river, and we then learn that these aquatic monsters are actually genetically-engineered mutants of a military project, aptly named 'Operation: Razorteeth'.
Blood and cheap thrills ensue, and one leaves this movie scratching their head, pondering whether they enjoyed it or hated its fishy guts.
Enter Piranha II: The Spawning.
This 1981 B-movie sequel was actually the feature film directorial debut of James Cameron (Aliens, Avatar), yet Cameron insists that his feature-film debut was 1984's Terminator (can you really blame him?).
Here, a whole new element is added to our deadly antagonists: yup, you guessed it - they can fly! I'm not talking happy-go-lucky Super Mario Bros. flying fish here either, I'm talking blood-thirsty piranha.
Once again, the government is involved, having developed these mutants as a line of defence by splicing flying fish with piranhas.
Now, am I the only one here who realizes that flying fish don't actually fly, but rather, glide above the water's surface? Yet, for some reason, the creatures portrayed in this film are shown flapping around clumsily like a swarm of graceless vampire bats.
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